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Relationships are based on being connected to one another and not only on a physical level, but also emotional, mental and spiritual level. To build a healthy and happy relationship, it is exteremly important to get to know each and connect deeply with your loved one.
There are many things that we do not understand about our partner and those can be the cause of a lot of frustration. This article is aimed at helping you understand the techniques that you can use to connect with your partner.
1. Men and women are different
One of the most challenging part of a relationship comes due to a lack of understanding of the differences in the male and female brain. You might be wondering how the difference in the wiring of the brain is so important for a relationship. Here is how:-
The male brain is a problem solving brain. If there is a problem, the male brain is programmed to start looking for ways to solve them. You might have noticed that any time you enter a new place, you start to look around for things that might need repairing or things that are out of place. You might even scan a new environment for safe entry and exit locations. You might not be aware of them consciously, but sub-consciously, that is what you are programmed to do.
The female brain on the other hand is much better at sharing information. When talking about a problem, women are not concerned about finding a solution. All they want is for their partner to listen to them – THAT IS ALL! When a female partner shares her feelings, the male partner is NOT AT ALL expected to solve the problems in her life. The male partner just has to sit , listen to her problem and wait patiently. Once the girl shares all her problems with her partner, she automatically starts feeling better.
Now the question is – How to use this information to connect with your partner? The answer is that if you are a male, you need to shut down your natural “problem solving” response when your partner is sharing her feelings with you. This will help her and you to instantly connect with her and she will start feeling comfortable with you.
If you are a female, before starting to express your feelings with your partner, you can start with the following phrase – “I am sharing how I am feeling with you. I don’t want you to provide any solutions, I just want you to LISTEN”. Once you clearly specify to your partner that you want them to JUST LISTEN, they will understand that they don’t need to find a solution to your problems. You can then easily communicate your feelings to your partner and connect with them deeply.
2. Avoid too many expectations
One pitfall that leads to destruction of many relationships is “Having too many expectations”. When you start to get romantically involved with someone, it is quite natural to start expecting things from your partner. Having expectations refer to things such as – wanting your partner to behave a certain way or wanting your partner to give you gifts or wanting special attention from them and so on. Since you love someone and want to be involved with that person, you will definitely want to have an ideal partner.
That being said, we all know that no one is perfect in this world. You are with someone because you like them for what they are. To be with someone, you HAVE TO accept someone for what they are instead of asserting your beliefs and expectations on them.
For example – You might be a huge fan of chinese food and you have always wanted to eat chinese food at different restaurants with your partner. However, your partner ins’t interested in Chinese food. In that case, it would be unwise of you to expect your partner to like what they aren’t interested in and force them to try chinese. This will only create a conflict in your relationship.
Of course, there are a places and situations where we need to compromise and so does your partner. If there is something that you strongly reject, it is expected of your partner to avoid that. But, it would be unhealthy if you start to have too many expectations from your partner. Your partner is in this relationship because they want to be feel comfortable. If you keep telling them to constantly change themselves, they might start to wonder is it really worth changing so much?
Avoid the trap of expecting too much from your partner and you will find that you accept them for what they are. This will REALLY help you to connect with your partner on a deeper level.
3. Find something to do together
Relationships are built on trust and understanding between the partners. I have seen in many relationships that both the partners have different tastes, experiences, likes, dislikes and so on. There isn’t much that is common between both of them. So, each one tries to convince their partner to take interests in their personal interests.
For example – When you just start dating someone, you find that you have so many new experiences. You meet new people, you go to new places, you try new food and so on. This is what is known as “The Honeymooon Phase”. This is the phase when everything seems wonderful. You have new experiences to try and connect with your partner.
After this initial phase is over, you come to a phase where you find something that you BOTH like to do. Instead of doing something that just one person likes, you start to do things that both partners enjoying getting into. That is when the real test of a relationship starts. This is the phase where you start to see if there is something common between both the partners.
The best way to connect with your partner is to start finding things that interests both partners. Activities such as dancing, drawing, going on rides, playing games and so on are activities that help you to come together. The activities where TEAMWORK is required are the best kind of activities that you should participate in to understand one another. When you work on a project together, the chemistry between the two of you will start to come alive again.
In my case, I have found dance is a great way for me and my partner to connect really well. We dance together at least once a week so that we feel synced with each other. We dance so that we can express ourselves with our dance and open up to each other. We better understand each other’s strengths and weaknesses now. We have also built trust among each other.
4. Understanding takes time
One of the biggest problems that I hear about many relationships goes something like this – “I am unable to understand my partner”, “It’s been so many months and I still feel like I don’t know him/her”.
One thing that you need to understand is that to understand a person, it takes time. Sure, there are a few things that you like and your partner likes too. On the other hand, there are things that you both dislike. Knowing what a person likes and dislikes is not as simple as just asking what their favorite food or their favorite color is.
Getting to really know a person takes time. You need to spend some time around them in different circumstances. A person is not the same when they are at home and when they are at work. The same person has different aspects to their personality according to the situations. People are different in different situations such as work, home, with family, with friends, with colleagues etc.
A person cannot be the same to you in all situations. Take a look at yourself for example. You might normally never shout on your partner for any reason, but when someone has managed to make you angry, you might find yourself shouting at him/her for no reason.
Therefore, be patient and know that to completely understand a person, it sometimes takes months or years. I was in a relationship for 7 years before getting married to my partner. After getting married, I still feel as if I don’t know what is going on in her mind.
5. Find quality time to talk about your relationship
This might be one of the best things that you do for your relationship. If there is something that you want to take away from this article, I want you to take this point away – “Find some time (preferably at least once a week) to talk about your relationship”.
Taking out just as little as half an hour to talk about your relationship can do wonders for your relationship. Just start talking to your partner and ask them questions such as – “What do you expect from this relationship?”, “What is the level of comfort that you have with me?”, “Is there anything that I am lacking in?”, “Is there any expectations that you have from me?” and so on.
You see, we spend so much time with our partners but we don’t really know what they feel or think about us. We try to find clues about what they want from us or what they want us to improve. But, if you want to connect with your partner, it would be best if the status of your relationship is discussed directly with your partner. Instead of asking their friends or family members about what they want, it would be best to ask them directly.
There is always time in a week when you can take some time off to discuss about your relationship. It might be as less as just 10 minutes, but the impact that it will have on your relationship is TREMENDOUS. When you ask your partner about what they want, they are forced to be open with you.
We all have always heard the quote that goes as – “Honesty is the best policy!”. This is definitely true for any relationship that you want to have. Be honest about what you expect from your partner, be honest about your feelings to them, be honest about what you think needs to be done in your relationship. But most of all, be honest with yourself.
At the end of this all, you can be sure that if you spend time improving your relationship, you will DEFINITELY get great results. You can thank me later 😉
First of all, if you liked the article, I would really appreciate you sharing this with your friends and family who you think can benefit from it.
Now that social media sharing is taken care of, let’s recap what we learnt and what you can take away from this article. As a BONUS, I will be providing you with a few tasks that you can apply in your life to take IMMEDIATE benefit from this article.
1. Know that both of you think differently when it comes to sharing your emotions. Guys want to solve all the problems whereas girls just want boys to hear them out. To implement this in your life, GIRLS – Before sharing your feelings say those magic words – “I just want you to LISTEN and not solve any problems that I share with you”. BOYS – Stop solving all the problems of your partner. She will ask for your help when she needs it. So, just Relax.
2. We all have expectations from our partners. You just might have one too many! So, here comes your first assignment. Take out a piece of paper and make a list of all the expectations that you have from your partner. They might be really trivial ones such as – “I want my partner to wake up on the right side of the bed” or “I want my partner to be a little more hygenic”, “I want my partner to give me more time” and so on. Just be sure that you write those down. After you have written them, start analyzing them and you might notice that you might have too many expectations from your partner.
3. Good communication takes place only when both the parties understand a common language. It would be almost impossible to communicate if one person only understands English and the other one only understand Hebrew. Again, take a piece of paper and make a list of things that you might enjoy doing (it doesn’t necessarily have to be with your partner). Next, ask your partner, what they would love to do. Then, find something that you both might enjoy doing and your relationship will immediately start blooming.
4. Be patient! Understanding each other will take time as everyone has multiple aspects to their personality. If you feel like you don’t understand your partner, stop and just analyze how that person behaves in different situations. If it helps, start writing about your partner in a diary or a journal.
5. Take out a little time to talk about your relationship. The task that I assign to you is to find a slot in your weekly schedule where both you and your partner have at least 15 minutes of free time to talk. Set an alarm on your phone as well as your partner’s phone to remind yourself 10 minutes prior to your “Quality Time”. Wrap up anything that you are doing in 10 minutes and sit together with your partner. Then, have a free and open discussion where there is no negativity and a lot of acceptance. If it helps, write down points that you want to improve in your relationship and start working on those.
That is all from my side on the topic of how to connect with your partner more deeply. I hope this article might have provided you with something useful that you might take away to build a deeper and happier relationship with your partner. I wish you all the best for your future with your partner! Be sure to drop some comments and love down below. Also, if you have some other practical tips and techniques, do share it with me so that all of us grow together. Enjoy the rest of your day :-)!